He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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