I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
