then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
