Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
