His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
