I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
