in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
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you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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