Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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