Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
