just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I forget how to act sober
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
