OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
