I need to stop coming to work sober
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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