What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Mom said you looked used
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
