I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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