She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The power of my boobs compel you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
