She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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