Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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