Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
