best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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