Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
