We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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