Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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