I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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