my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
