the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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