K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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