how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found the puke drawer
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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