I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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