Whod you bang
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I love you. Go after that dick
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
