my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
