you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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