you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
