He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
