You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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