I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
