I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
