having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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