Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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