i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
