Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
