Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
