I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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