If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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