So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
