Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
