if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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