his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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