So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
