could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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