I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
