I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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