She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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