Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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