Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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