kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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