I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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