Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
