His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
