Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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