This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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