his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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