im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
