it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
