I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
