Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
