u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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