I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
please come you make the beer taste better
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
