I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
